WHEN DID THE BIGGEST DERBY™ IN ENGLAND HAPPEN? WAS I ASLEEP?

I have only once been bored to sleep during a match. I have slept through some other matches too, but it happens when one team makes the game insignificant very early and apparently loses interest after that, e.g. Barcelona FC, or when you try to watch a match that has absolutely no bearing on the team(s) you support. Now, I do not need to be told, especially in the comments section (you can call, it’ll be less embarrassing that way), that “you have a sad life”. That is assumed. Anyway, to the one and only match that did not fall under either of the categories. It was the 2006 world cup first knockout round. Ukraine v Switzerland. That should have set the alarm bells ringing. Ukraine played a “3-5-2”, which almost certainly means that at any point of time there’ll be at least 4 defenders in the last line even if one has had the audacity to venture beyond the half way line. Four in the midfield, because one of the 2 strikers will be a “second striker”. This fantastic attack minded team up against the miserly Swiss, who had not conceded till then, was going to be a feast for the neutrals. Shevchenko was the only guy on the field who could conjure up something. So, 2 teams dead scared of losing played a game bereft of any clear-cut chances and God knows I tried to watch but made it only to the half-time whistle. Sleeping through the match, I woke up with 10 minutes left in ET to realise that it was still 0-0 and heading to penalties where the Swiss proceeded to miss all of their spot kicks to become the first and only team ever to be knocked out of the WC without conceding a single goal.

I have to accept, Wednesday’s match was arguably the worst match I have ever seen including the above mentioned game (whatever I saw of it). UK tabloids had gone gaga over City having a great squad and tipping them for the title at the beginning of the season. Never in the history of the game would the title contenders have played a game as this. It made City out to be more respectful and fearful of United rather than the other way around which the football pundits predicted. “We were fatigued”, said Mancini(0), sincerely wishing that the Sheikh in Abu Dhabi would find it in his heart not to fire him after an adventurous outing, when asked the reason for the City setup in the game. Betraying his lofty ambitions, he added, “I would be very happy if the season ended tomorrow”, talking like his captain has been for what seems like eternity. They are apparently very tired of football ten games into the season. Ending fourth is obviously great after spending a zillion petro-dollars (there is plenty more from where that came from) and building a squad that should be able to challenge on all fronts. City started with Zabaleta(7) at left back who was without a license to bomb forward and in a similar situation was Boateng(6) at right back. Zabaleta, after he switched to right back late in the game, even managed a shot at goal when the ball fell fortuitously after hitting O'Shea to him when he had given up already. The defense was competent when supplemented by the only black belt(7) in the team alongside the player Benitez wanted to replace Alonso with(6) in Liverpool (haha). Yaya Toure(5) yet again had the responsibility to link midfield with the attack in a chasm larger than all of Sheikh Mansour's oil wells combined. But that attack had only Tevez(6) and try as they might, they were crowded out when foraying in United's half with even the wingers going AWOL. Toure made runs after beating a couple of players but Milner(7) and Silva(5) were largely instructed to assist the full backs than be in the opposition half. Johnson was more forthright when he came on, Adebayor might have had one touch of the ball and Joe Hart(6) had one shot by Berbatov on target to deal with. That was all City did.

Surprisingly, United began with Rafael(6), Evra(7) and Nani. I had not expected Nani(to recover from his injury (as I am privy to the internal goings on at Old Trafford) and the two full backs rarely start away games together. Sir Alex (6) did not risk Hernandez playing the full game and compensated for the single striker by having 2 attacking defenders. The centre of the field was packed by City and another striker would have added more than Fletcher(7), who tried to make forward moves but was largely ineffective and failed to occupy De Jong so that space in the centre could be freed up for others. The full backs could have put in more crosses to pressurise the home team and Hernandez(5) would have been in the box to try to get to the end of those as Berbatov (4) tended to fall back much more than was good for the team. The 2 strikers would have made it a lot more balanced and attacks could possibly have been routed through the centre of the field. As it was, Nani seemed to be the only threat coming in to the centre to take shots which he curiously avoided at some instances. Park(6) was all over the field passing well without any penetration. Carrick(7) is well and truly back and I back him to do very well over the coming weeks. Scholes(6) was pressed by Toure who gave him little space to work in and the diminutive wizard was average. Vidic(8) is looking at the top of his game snuffing out runs made by Toure and generally not losing any City player and he was ably supported by Ferdinand(7) who is perhaps entering the dusk of his top flight career. Van Der Sar(7) was forced into one good save from a free kick by Tevez and that was his contribution to the game. Wes Brown (7) and O’Shea (5) had enough time on the pitch to make their mark but it was a tough night.

When a derby has just one feisty moment like a face-off between Rafael and Tevez, you know it was dull (Rafael can do better than to look in the shadows on Manchester's streets for the rest of his life for a short, stocky man: I would not back him to win a fist fight against Carlos). These games need early goals for them to liven them up and the longer they go goal less, the more likely it is that the teams involved want to tighten their defences. City never intended to get more than a single point and kept their fingers crossed for the recovering Tevez to magically get 3. I thought United started with a similar mindset but realised later that they could nick it, resulting in a positive second half. Berba form has fizzled out now and Rooney would make us a potent force when he returns, goals or not. The Bulgarian was not expected to sustain his amazing initial form throughout the season and these games need a spark which a Rooney can provide. We are 4 points behind the leaders and Arsenal are again in the mix. We have a tough away fixture against Villa and thanks to our performances, every game is looking like a must win with Chelsea returning to winning ways. Hope we have a better outing this weekend.

P.S.: The numbers in parentheses are the ratings for those involved.